7 Things Couples Must Do to Keep Their Marriage Alive

By Judy Kingston 

Picture this: You and your partner rush through the day, juggling work, kids, and endless chores. By evening, you're both on the couch, scrolling phones in silence. That spark from your early days feels distant now. But it doesn't have to stay that way. Many couples face this drift, yet strong marriages endure with simple, steady steps.

In this guide, we cover seven key things couples must do to keep their marriage alive. These actions, drawn from experts like John Gottman, focus on connection, trust, and joy. Backed by studies showing happy couples invest time and effort, you'll find real tips here. Stick with us, and you'll gain tools to rebuild bonds and nurture love that lasts.

Prioritize Quality Time Together

Life pulls you in every direction. Without effort, connections fade. Dedicated time rebuilds emotional closeness. Research from the Gottman Institute shows couples who spend focused hours together report 20% higher satisfaction. Make this a habit, and watch your bond grow stronger.

Start small. Block out slots in your calendar just for each other. This isn't about grand plans; it's about showing up fully present.

Schedule Regular Date Nights

Date nights keep the fun alive. They remind you why you fell in love. A study in the Journal of Marriage and Family found couples with weekly dates feel more satisfied long-term.

Try low-cost ideas to fit any budget. Cook a meal at home with candles. Or take a evening walk in the park, holding hands and chatting.

• Pick a set day each week, like Fridays.
• Alternate who plans the outing.
• Keep it light—no heavy talks on first dates back.

These steps build excitement. Over time, they turn routine into romance.

Unplug from Technology During Shared Moments

Phones steal your attention. They turn shared time into solo scrolling. Put devices away, and real talks flow easier.

Create phone-free zones at home. Dinner table counts as one. Evenings after kids' bedtime work too.

Follow these steps for tech-free nights:

1. Charge phones in another room before dinner.
2. Set a timer for 30 minutes of undivided chat.
3. Play a game like "two truths and a lie" to spark laughs.

This habit boosts presence. You'll hear each other deeper, strengthening your tie.

Plan Shared Adventures or Trips

New experiences light up your relationship. They break the daily grind. Couples who travel together often feel closer, per a 2019 survey by TripAdvisor.

Weekend getaways beat big vacations. Explore a nearby town or hike a local trail.

Budget smart:

• Use free apps for deal alerts on hotels.
• Pack picnics instead of eating out.
• Start with day trips if funds are tight.

These outings create memories. They reignite passion and give you stories to share.

Communicate Openly and Honestly

Talk is the glue in marriage. Without it, misunderstandings build walls. Open chats build trust and solve issues fast.

John Gottman notes that strong couples share five positive interactions for every tough one. Practice this, and conflicts shrink.

Vulnerability matters. Share feelings early. It keeps small bumps from turning into big rifts.

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Practice Active Listening Daily

Listening shows you care. It beats just waiting to speak. Paraphrase what you hear to confirm understanding.

Try daily check-ins. At bedtime, share one high and one low from your day. Let your partner finish without jumping in.

Use these techniques:

• Nod and keep eye contact.
• Say, "It sounds like you felt frustrated because..."
• Avoid advice unless asked.

This builds empathy. Over weeks, it deepens your emotional link.

Address Conflicts Constructively

Fights happen in every marriage. Handle them wrong, and resentment grows. De-escalate to keep peace.

Take a short break if tempers flare. Walk around the block, then return calm.

Switch to "I" statements. Say, "I feel hurt when..." instead of "You always...". It cuts blame.

Tips for better talks:

1. Pick a quiet time, not mid-argument.
2. Focus on the issue, not past grudges.
3. End with a hug or agreed next step.

These methods turn clashes into growth. Your marriage stays solid.

Share Dreams and Goals Regularly

Dreams keep you aligned. Talk about them, and you support each other's paths. Monthly check-ins prevent drift.

Sit down over coffee. Ask, "What excites you right now?" Listen without judgment.

Make it a ritual:

• Set aside 20 minutes the first Sunday.
• Write down shared goals, like a home project.
• Cheer personal ones, even if they're solo.

This fosters teamwork. You grow together, not apart.

Show Appreciation and Affection

Little thanks go far. They warm the heart and fight neglect. Positive psychology says gratitude boosts happiness in pairs by 25%.

Verbal nods and touches affirm love. Make them daily habits. Your partner will feel seen and cherished.

Start today. Notice one good thing and say it out loud.

Express Gratitude Verbally Each Day

Words of thanks reinforce bonds. They highlight efforts often overlooked. Say specifics to make it real.

Try, "I appreciate how you made breakfast this morning." It spotlights the action.

Daily prompts:

• At dinner, share one thing you value.
• Text a quick note during the day.
• Keep a shared journal of gratitudes.

This practice shifts focus to positives. Negativity fades, love shines brighter.

Incorporate Physical Touch Mindfully

Touch releases oxytocin, the "cuddle hormone." It lowers stress and ups closeness. Non-sexual contact counts big.

Hold hands on walks. Give back rubs after long days.

Initiate simply:

1. Hug for 20 seconds each morning.
2. Sit close on the couch, arm around shoulders.
3. Massage feet while watching TV.

These acts build security. Intimacy flows natural from here.

Surprise with Thoughtful Gestures

Surprises keep things fresh. They show you think of your partner. Tailor to their love language—words, gifts, or acts.

Leave a sticky note on the mirror: "Can't wait to see you tonight."

Ideas that fit busy lives:

• Brew their favorite coffee before they wake.
• Plan a bubble bath after a tough week.
• Send flowers via app for under $20.

Small moves spark joy. Your marriage feels alive and valued.

Maintain Physical and Emotional Intimacy

Intimacy links body and heart. Neglect it, and distance creeps in. Studies link regular closeness to better health and happier ties.

Talk openly about needs. Create space without pressure. This nurtures security.

Joint wellness boosts it all. Move together, and bonds tighten.

Prioritize Intimate Moments Without Expectations

Set the mood relaxed. Focus on fun, not duty. Light candles or play soft music.

Start with massages. No rush to more. Let connection guide.

Create ease:

• Schedule "us time" twice a week.
• Share what feels good, keep it light.
• Laugh if things go off—it's part of it.

This removes stress. Closeness returns naturally.

Discuss Boundaries and Desires Openly

Honest chats normalize wants. Set boundaries to respect each other. It builds trust.

Pick a calm evening. Say, "What makes you feel close?" Listen well.

Steps to start:

1. Use a list of questions from books like "Come As You Are."
2. Agree on no-pressure zones.
3. Revisit every few months.

These talks strengthen emotional ties. Physical ones follow suit.

Support Each Other's Health and Well-Being

Health affects intimacy. Team up on it for shared vitality. Couples who exercise together stick with it longer, per fitness studies.

Join a yoga class. Or walk after meals.

Make it fun:

• Track steps with a shared app.
• Schedule annual check-ups together.
• Cook healthy meals as dates.

This lifts energy. Your connection thrives.

Support Individual Growth and Independence

Space for self-growth avoids burnout. It brings fresh energy home. Healthy marriages balance "me" and "we."

Encourage hobbies without jealousy. Celebrate wins as a team. This prevents codependency.

Personal space fosters appreciation. You return stronger.

Encourage Personal Hobbies and Interests

Solo pursuits recharge you. They add stories to share. Support them like you do joint ones.

If they love painting, buy supplies. Attend a class with them once.

Ways to cheer:

• Ask about their day in that hobby.
• Give time freely—no guilt.
• Plan "me nights" weekly.

This keeps marriage exciting. Individual spark fuels the pair.

Set and Respect Personal Boundaries

Boundaries protect peace. State them clear, like "I need 30 minutes alone after work."

Honor yours too. It shows mutual respect.

Guide to set them:

1. Talk early, before issues arise.
2. Use "I need..." phrasing.
3. Check in if lines blur.

Space builds longing. Closeness deepens when together.

Celebrate Individual Achievements Together

Wins feel better shared. Toast them to blend personal pride with couple joy.

They got a promotion? Plan a special dinner.

Rituals that work:

• Keep a "brag board" of successes.
• Give high-fives or cheers.
• Tie it to a small outing.

This reinforces support. Your partnership grows.

Build Financial Transparency and Teamwork

Money fights top divorce reasons. Open talks turn stress to strength. Joint plans build security.

Review finances as partners. Align on goals. Compromise on differences.

Transparency cuts secrets. Trust follows.

Create a Joint Budget and Review It Monthly

Budgets keep chaos at bay. Track together for shared control.

Use free apps like Mint. List income, bills, fun money.

Monthly steps:

1. Meet over coffee, no judgments.
2. Adjust as life changes.
3. Celebrate hitting savings targets.

This teamwork eases worries. Harmony grows.

Discuss Financial Goals as a Team

Dream big together. Save for a house? Plan travel? Align to move forward.

Hold quarterly chats. Ask, "What do we want in five years?"

Build plans:

• Set short-term targets, like emergency funds.
• Research options side by side.
• Track progress with charts.

Shared vision unites you. Finances support love.

Handle Disagreements with Compromise

Clashes over cash happen. Focus on values, not wins. Find middle ground.

If one wants to splurge, other save—split the difference.

Resolve tips:

1. List pros and cons calm.
2. Prioritize needs over wants.
3. Hug after agreeing.

This keeps peace. Money serves your marriage.

Seek Professional Help When Needed

Therapy isn't failure—it's smart maintenance. Couples counseling saves 75% of marriages, per the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.

Spot signs early. Act before rifts widen. Resources abound.

Commit to learning. It sharpens skills for life.

Recognize Signs That Counseling Could Help

Persistent fights signal trouble. Emotional distance or resentment too.

Ask yourself: Do we avoid hard talks? Feel lonely together?

Key indicators:

• Arguments loop without resolve.
• Intimacy drops for months.
• One feels unheard daily.

Self-checks help. Early steps prevent bigger pain.

Explore Couples Therapy Options

Therapy fits any schedule. Online sessions work great. Or try in-person.

Prepare by listing goals. First visit sets the tone.

Formats to consider:

• Weekly one-hour meets.
• Workshops for skill-building.
• Apps like Lasting for home practice.

Choose what suits. Progress comes steady.

Commit to Ongoing Relationship Education

Learning never stops. Books and podcasts keep you sharp.

Read "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Gottman. Listen to "Where Should We Begin?"

Ongoing ideas:

• Attend retreats yearly.
• Join online courses.
• Discuss one tip weekly.

This habit sustains love. Your marriage evolves strong.

Conclusion

Keeping a marriage alive takes these seven things: prioritize time, communicate honest, show appreciation, maintain intimacy, support growth, build financial teamwork, and seek help when needed. Each offers simple steps—like weekly dates, "I" statements, daily thanks, boundary talks, hobby cheers, budget reviews, and therapy checks.

Effort pays off. Studies prove consistent actions create lasting joy. Start with one today. Reflect on your bond. What will you try first? Implement these, and watch your love flourish into a deeper partnership. Your future self will thank you.